{"id":577,"date":"2022-05-17T18:21:47","date_gmt":"2022-05-17T16:21:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/albert.aribaud.net\/?p=577"},"modified":"2022-05-29T21:44:33","modified_gmt":"2022-05-29T19:44:33","slug":"cruel-and-unusual-punishment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/en\/cruel-and-unusual-punishment\/","title":{"rendered":"Cruel and unusual punishment"},"content":{"rendered":"

This short story was written based on a prompt at Critique Circle<\/a> which basically amounted to \u00ab\u00a0The devil, an app and a teenage school kid with a problem\u00a0\u00bb. There was an additional constraint of not editing while writing, which I respected to a degree there, but here I have fixed a few embarrassing typos and mistakes.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0What the Earth am I supposed to enter on this screen? I’ve typed my name twice already and that was not<\/i> easy either time, now you ask for it AGAIN? I swear this blessed phone is going to end up in the\u2014YES, WHAT?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

The boy in his bloody shredded clothes at the office door stuttered.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Er… I was sent down here… I think…\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan looked him up and down. \u00ab\u00a0I can see that. Why?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Er… They said I’d had impure thoughts\u00a0\u00bb.<\/p>\n

Satan’s eyes rolled \u2014 the devilish, not human, way.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0And they sent you down for that<\/i>? Never mind. Why did the reception desk send you here?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0They didn’t. There was no one there, only a sign that said \u00ab\u00a0No reception until local network is back up again\u00a0\u00bb. I waited for ten minutes<\/em> there.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0… Ten minutes.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Kids these days.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Never mind that too. I have no time for handling small fry.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan pressed the speed dial for his Director of Operations and raised his phone to his ear, then pulled it away. Even the kid had winced in pain from a good ten feet away at the screech that had emanated from the device.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0I’ll be… Argh, nothing’s working! Alright, let’s sort you out, that’ll calm my nerves. So. Impure thoughts got you here, but what got you up there first?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Wha?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan sighed. Kids, third millenium, adjust expectations.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Why did you die?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Er, because I hit concrete from the fourth floor.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan blinked.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0… And why did you hit concrete from the fourth floor?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0I… think… it was an accident. Beef didn’t really want to let go of me, he was just bullying me, but he kind of fumbled.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Was that in any way related to the impure thoughts you mentioned earlier?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0I… don’t think so. I mean, Ella and Beef are not family, and I don’t think they ever… you know…\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Let me check that just to be sure.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan snapped at the laptop, which obediently opened to a blue screen with a few unintelligible lines and a sad smiley.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0AAAAARGH! NOT AGAIN!\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

He snapped more forcefully. The laptop burst into flames.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Let’s do it the old fashioned way.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan’s eyes went entirely gray, then a voice boomed in the room.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0YES?<\/i>\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Sorry to disturb you now, but we have a slight p\u2014\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0I AM NOT THE ONE WHO INVENTED COMPUTERS, SON. YOU WANTED IT, NOW DEAL WITH IT.<\/i>\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0No, not that<\/i> problem. The kid. He got up because he was killed, they sent him down just for impure thoughts. I mean, I don’t complain per se<\/i> but you’re going to feel pretty lonely soon enough if\u2014\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0DO <\/em>YOU QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT?<\/i>\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0… No.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0GOOD THEN. DON’T DISTURB ME AGAIN FOR… SMALL FRY.<\/i>\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan \u00ab\u00a0hung up\u00a0\u00bb. Bastard. And yes, that’s a professional assessment<\/i>. He turned to the kid.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Why did this… Beef… bully you?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Excuse me but… how is it important?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0To determine your eternal punishment.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Oh… Well, Beef is sort of the leader there, I mean…\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0The would-be alpha wolf, if there were such alpha wolves, which won’t happen as long as wolves remain smarter than humans. I know the type, I collect them as a hobby. I could show you videos if the God-forsaken servers were not DOWN FOR SIX DAYS AND COUNTING! Go ahead.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0So, er, I’m not really strong or…\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0OK, you’re the wimp he picks on, only this time it went a bit too far. Right. I guess the fourth floor is the library?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Er, no. It’s the IT level.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

There was a long silence.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0You’re a computer<\/em> geek?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Er… I guess so. I mean, I’m the IT club’s president.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan smiled. Curiously, the boy thought, this one was not scary.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0Your punishment now and forever will be to keep this CURSED THING\u00a0\u00bb \u2014 Satan gestured around \u2014 \u00ab\u00a0in working condition.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Satan pulled a drawer, extracted a quill and a piece of parchment on which he scribbled a few lines before handing it to the boy.<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0You’re hereby allowed to order anyone about around the place \u2014 except me, of course \u2014 as long as the phones, computers, networks, printers, etcetera<\/i>, work properly. You will only rest when everything works, and believe me, that’s going to be exceptional. Now GET GOING!\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

The boy’s face formed a slow smile, then he rushed out. Seconds after, Satan’s phone let out a brief beep and displayed a progress bar under the words \u00ab\u00a0UPDATING\u00a0\u00bb.<\/p>\n

Satan sat down in silence. Sent down for impure thoughts, yeah, right<\/i>. Without even going through the gray-eye etiquette, he just uttered \u00ab\u00a0Thank you.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0YOU’RE WELCOME.<\/i>\u00ab\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This short story was written based on a prompt at Critique Circle which basically amounted to \u00ab\u00a0The devil, an app and a teenage school kid with a problem\u00a0\u00bb. There was an additional constraint of not editing while writing, which I respected to a degree there, but here I have fixed a few embarrassing typos and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[65,67],"class_list":["post-577","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writings","tag-microfiction","tag-shortstory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/577","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=577"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/577\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":677,"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/577\/revisions\/677"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=577"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=577"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aribaud.net\/albert\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=577"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}